I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
