Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
