I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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