I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
