Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Even my vagina gasped.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
