Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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