I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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