Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
