is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize