His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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