p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
