Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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