dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
