Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
