the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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