I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
