I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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