need another drink. this is the easiest way
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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