So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
