She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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