Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
