im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
