walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
