i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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