: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
