his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
