ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
