I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
