You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
