Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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