When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
