Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
