Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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