Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
