Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
