My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There's always time for handjobs
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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