Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I still have a little drunk in my system
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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