Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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