I'm jealous of your bromance
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
