I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
