i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
is it fun? or sober?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
