Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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