I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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