I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
