I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize