SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
