i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
