She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
