doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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