I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
