turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
