I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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