Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
