does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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