sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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