i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
