I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
