you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize