I'm passing your future prison.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
