I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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