ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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