Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
