she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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