so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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