i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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