You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
