sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
