Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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