also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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